


A thousands reasons why I can't remember (and one reason I should forget)

by FindingGing



Series: A series where I gift my writing to others! [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Swearing, a memory loss fic you guys didn't ask for!, needs to learn how to use tags!, 🤣
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29557800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FindingGing/pseuds/FindingGing
Summary: The stranger’s eyes widened, and he whirled to look at him. “What?”“I said, who is Pika?”“Really?” The stranger gave him an incredulous look, perceiving him with his gorgeous gaze. “You really think that’s funny?”  he laughed at his question, “Man, you suck at jokes!”He silently watched the man, letting his melodious laughter bubble in his ears. His laughter died down as he realised that he didn’t laugh along with him. “you’re joking, right?”He only stared at him in confusion.OrA fic where Kurapika has lost his memories, and his trust in friends. Leorio, Gon and Killua will have to go out of their way to make the blonde remember who he really is, without losing himself in revenge. His friends, no matter what, will bring their Kurapika back, one painful step at a time.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Series: A series where I gift my writing to others! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008750
Comments: 16
Kudos: 24





	1. A misty haze and someone I don't know.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [egelskaseriunaHxH](https://archiveofourown.org/users/egelskaseriunaHxH/gifts).



> I Dedicate this fic to @egelskaseriunaHxH because he has been doing so much for me, thank you so much for gifting me something as precious as Strawberry Scintillae and Killua's Wedding, it made me smile and I loved it!
> 
> I hope that this Leopika fic will make you just as happy as it has done for the fics that you have written Magne! 💙

“I don’t know!” 

A voice called out from the darkness. A deep, gruff voice that was talking to someone.

“I don’t know what happened! I just found him near the stairs when I was going to work, and he was…”

The voice cracked slightly, quietly in his ears.

“He wouldn’t wake up Gon because he’s unconscious, why the hell would you think that he isn’t awake?!”

He hear a heavy sigh, before he felt himself sink slightly with the sounds of squeaking under him. As he guessed, it might be the stranger that had rested next to him.

“He keeps on going and going to the point where he thinks that it’s okay to hurt yourself. Pain is just a word to him. I don’t know what to do anymore Killua,” he said with sadness. “he keeps hurting himself, and he shoves me away from him like I’m his enemy.” 

“But I care!”

He heard sniffling from the man, and a suppressed sob right after. 

“I’m so scared, I’m so _scared_ of losing him.”

He opened his eyes to see the strange man holding his dominant hand over his face, trying his hardest not to cry. His sleeves were rolled up, and his white shirt was unironed, so it wrinkled slightly when he moved. He looked older, with how his shoulders -shaking with grief- was broad and his body thinned out at the stomach area. 

But from everything else, he couldn’t see his expression, nor could he see his face, but he could hear his weak sobs wrack from his body, and he hates seeing people like him cry. People will label others immediately as weak, made others seem like they were frail. 

“Are you okay?”

The stranger stops crying in his hand, and whirls to look at him in his eyes. 

His tears had glistened his brown eyes, and decorated his face like a necklace. His friend was fairly handsome, (it made him think he was probably ugly compared to him). He had a clean, sharp jaw and a nice crew cut. Hints of stress formed at the sockets of his eyes, but it was faded enough not to be noticed. 

The stranger dropped the phone immediately after the awkward seconds that have passed and gave him the tightest hug, pushing him back on the bed.

“Pika!” he cried out, “you’re awake!”

Pain surged from his sides and his arms where the stranger had hugged him. Instinctively, he cried out and tried to push him off. 

“Stop it!” he said with a hoarse voice. “It hurts!”

“Oh, sorry Pika!” he apologised.

The stranger had let go of the boy, and plopped himself back on the seat. The boy took a look at his arms and sees that he is covered in what seems to be bandages. Some traces of blood were found under the first layer that poked out from the other layers, but besides from the ache of being grabbed and the sting of his skin, nothing seems to be out of place.

He raised his white button up to see that his stomach was also concealed with the gauze, not a single piece of injury was shown, but it hurted if he breathed wrong.

He felt eyes looking into him, and as he looked at the source, he connected his eyes with him. The stranger faced away, flushing slightly, swallowing lightly.

“I patched you well, didn’t I, Pika?” he said with a husky voice, adverting his gaze. 

The boy shivered at at the man's gaze, lowering his white button up.

“Who’s Pika?” 

The stranger’s eyes widened, and he whirled to look at him. “What?”

“I said, who is Pika?” 

“Really?” The stranger gave him an incredulous look, perceiving him with his gorgeous gaze. “You really think that’s funny?” he laughed at his question, “Man, you suck at jokes!”

He silently watched the man, letting his melodious laughter bubble in his ears. His laughter died down as he realised that he didn’t laugh along with him. “you’re joking, right?”

He only stared at him in confusion.

The stranger eyebrows pushed down on his face. “Pika,” he said gently, his hand brushed his own, and he could help but flinch away at his touch. “What the hell happened-”

“Don’t touch me,” he said raising his voice, “I don’t know you.”

The stranger’s eyebrows furrowed at him, “Pika-”

“Don’t call me that, my name isn’t Pika.”

“What the…” He gazed at him back with confusion written on his face. “you’re not serious, are you?”

“Where the hell is the joke then? What in _hell_ am I supposed to remember?” he stated, “I don’t know you, and I’m sure as hell that you don’t know me either, so don’t get comfortable with me and call me names that isn’t _mine._ ”

“But-”

He gripped his shirt and yanked him close, and hoped that he looked threatening as he pulled him lower, gazing daggers into his face. “Listen to me, I’ve been having a bad day so far.” 

“A stranger has invaded my personal space, pretending that I was his friend, just so he could groom me and do who know what to me for his pleasures. I don’t know how I got here, nor do I know who you are. But don’t you _ever_ think that you have the upper hand because of a little ‘memory loss.’”

Leaving a tiny amount of space, he whispered aggressively, “So long as I have breath in my lungs, I _will_ make sure that you will _never_ leave this place unharmed. And you don’t want that, _do_ you?” 

He looked at him, utterly confused.

“Do you?!”

He shook his head like a rattle stick, gazing at the boy looming over him.

“Now” he continued, “your gonna give me some answers, and after _that,_ I’ll consider thinking about whether to let you have a few bruises over your body, and maybe a broken bone or two.

“Now riddle me this, who _are_ you?”

He stared back at him stupidly, before opening his mouth with a smirk.

“You look sexy like that. You should do it more often!” he said with a chirpy voice. 

He never felt so inclined to punch someone in the face. 

He can _feel_ his stupidity radiating from his body and it pisses him off. He giggled at the stranger, and before the stranger could do the same, he punch him straight in the face, hard.

The stranger fell and bump his back on the table. He took that as a chance to get up and jump him, but then he felt absolute _hell_ rein through his body.

He screamed and fell on the floor, clutching his stomach. 

“Kurapika!”

The stranger rushed towards him, letting his hands gently hold the boy steady. The boy kept weeping and trying to push himself away from him, but the stranger had already prevented him from trying to run.

“Stop fighting me Kurapika.” The stranger tried to hold him still, but he just rebelled at his attempts to calm him. He clawed at him, blinded with pain, but the stranger wouldn’t relent. “What’s gotten into you?”

The door to the living room opened up, and out came an islander boy and a white-haired albino holding a plastic bag “Oi, Old man-” 

The stranger interrupted him. “Killua get the anaesthesia that’s in the kitchen, top cupboard near the window.” 

“NO! LET GO OFF ME!” the boy called Kurapika cried out, screaming and thrashing against his hold.

“Gon, help me with Pika, please!”

The islander ran towards the two, while albino ran past to get to the kitchen. 

“Kurapika, what’s wrong?!” The islander boy said with concern. “What’s wrong with him?!” 

“I’ll tell you later-” The stranger got elbowed on his face, cursing outwardly. “shit- KILLUA-”

“Shut up I got it!” Kurapika’s eyes locked on at the albino, who held the needle high, containing the medicine that could knock him out in seconds. 

His panic rose immediately, and he became desperate to come out unscratched. 

“NO NO NO PLEASE!” The stranger pulled his shirt off, exposing his arm to the needle. “PLEASE LET ME GO, I DON’T WANT TO GET HURT PLEASE LET ME GO-”

He thrashed, punching and kicking the both of them, but the stranger had pushed him on the wood floor and the islander had now pinned his arms to his back with one arm, all the while comforting him with kind words.

Slowly, the albino approached him with needle in hand. From the corner of his eye, he saw the albino crouched down and smile at him with the warmest blue eyes, “This will only hurt a bit, don’t worry Pika.” 

The albino disappeared from view, but he felt his slender fingers hold him still while the cold needle was inserted into his arm. He whimpered slightly as he felt the needle prick.

His arm gradually numbed, and he felt light-headed. The boy’s arm grew slack, and so did the grip on his body. 

_“Is he going to be okay,” he heard a voice say._

_“Don’t worry, big dummy, the anaesthetic makes you sleepy and take away the pain. He’s gonna be…_

Their voices echoed in the core of his ears, and he felt his eyelids droop. His ears hummed slightly as he felt himself waver from consciousness. 

_“Don’t worry Pika,”_ the voice comforted him from above, his eyes connecting to the hazy stranger, _“We’ll find a way to fix you.”_


	2. A long line of trust and a friend who couldn't take it

Leorio felt Kurapika slack under his arm. His head had gradually rested on the wooden floor, and his whimpers slowly died down to the quietest of breathes. He kept his eyes on the poor blonde.

“Is he going to be okay?” he heard Gon say, glancing at Leorio for the answer.

“Don’t worry, big dummy, the anaesthetic makes you sleepy and take away the pain. He’s gonna be fine,” Killua reassured the islander, plucking the needle out of his arm. “C’mon Gon,” the albino stood up, connecting his eyes with the doctor’s figure, “I need help with the groceries.”

“Kay!” he said happily, stamping his feet loudly.

The two boys stood up and left the room, leaving only Leorio and a drugged Kurapika. He glanced at the blonde with sadness. The blonde’s eyes were glassed with tears, his colour of eyes foggy of life.

_“I don’t know you, and I’m sure as hell that you don’t know me either so don’t get comfortable with me and call me names that isn’t_ mine.”

That wasn’t the Kurapika he was used to. The Kurapika he knew and loved dearly gave him the gentle smiles that made the man’s heart flutter, he’d thank him as he usually would, but instead, he shoved him away, giving him no explanation for his hostility.

_“I don’t know how I got here, nor do I know who you are. But don’t you_ ever _think that you have the upper hand because of a little_ _‘memory loss.’”_

Memory loss, huh.

He, Kurapika, couldn’t be attacked by someone who had the power to take away memories, could he? It seemed… petty in a way.

What benefits would taking away his memories be to the person?

Maybe Kurapika had a lead on the man who had taken the eyes of his family. But that can’t be possible, he wasn’t as focused on getting his eyes back, he was after the troupe. Unless..

His hand idly traced his head, feeling the strands of his pretty yellow tangle in his digits. The softness of his hair had stilled the chord of disharmony his heart had caused him.

“Don’t worry Pika,” Leorio said to the Kurta, hoping that his Kurapika could hear him, “We’ll find a way to fix you.”

_I promise._

_****_

***~***

“Alright Old man-” Killua said, pulling out a chair. Gon respectably sat next to him next to him, while Leorio placed himself adjacent to them. “What happened to Kura?”

Leorio took a breath, then just simply said, “I don’t know.”

Killua scoffed at him, his eye twitching in annoyance, “Not this again.”

“Leorio,” Gon said kindly, holding Killua down with his hand, “we saw him crying and pushing you away, was he acting like this before we came in?”

The doctor’s lips pursued tightly, trying to hold in his emotions, “He was unconscious during the time, and he was barely breathing.”

“Okay then,” Gon nodded, “why was Kurapika on the floor?”

“He was injured and tried to get up. He has cuts and abrasions on the back of his forearms,” Leorio raised his own arms, almost as if he were doing a presentation for a child, “he’s had massive blood loss due to the tearing on his chest. Deep enough to be lethal, but it hadn’t killed him.

“I patched him back together again, but I’ll need to get some more supplies from the hospital later.” He stopped his ranting, and decided so to lower his arms, and hold them still.

“Was there anyone there when you found him?” the islander asked.

The man curled and bit his lips, brows furrowing together.

“Staying silent doesn’t answer the question _Leorio,_ ” Killua said icily.

“ _Killua!_ ” Gon whispered loudly at him.

He ignored Gon’s warning. “ _Answer_ the _question_ Leorio.”

The man just looked at his hands clasped tightly, seeming as if he didn’t hear him.

“Are you seriously hard of hearing!?” Killua yelled, “C’mon old man, _answer!_ ” He slammed the table hard with the flat part of his hand.

“I don’t know-”

“THEN TRY TO REMEMBER DAMMIT!” Killua roared.

“I said I don’t know.” He said more firmly to the red face albino.

“Use your _fucking_ head! Kurapika was injured from someone trying to gain an upper hand on him, and you know damn well that you’ve been on contact with him more than we have. You either know who it is, or it was you who did it!”

“Killua _please._ ” The islander tried to push Killua back on his seat, but he wasn’t budging.

“Gon, don’t interrupt me,” the albino grittily stated. He bored his eyes into the doctor’s head, almost as if he were daring him to say it.

The doctor sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. “Letting out your anger onto others, are we, Killua?”

“Dammit Leorio!” he slammed the table “don’t play dumb with me! You’re the one who did it!”

“What make you think I did the deed, Killua.” he said angrily, pushing himself upright to face Killua in the eyes, “What gives you any right to suspect me, huh?!”

“Kurapika was injured and you coincidently finding him like this gives me every right to suspect you!” his breath grew more haggard, and his claws seeped out slowly.

He met his cold eyes with truth, “I’m his friend Killua, I wouldn’t think of anything to benefit me if I did such a thing.”

Killua had stopped temporarily, before his head dropped lowly, letting out a quiet chuckle.

“Friend,” Killua sneered with contempt “you’re his _friend?_

“Funny that a _friend_ like you would say such a thing, yet never have the heart to go and help their friend when he needed it.

Funny that a _friend_ like you would say such words with conviction and shrug their shoulders when they have no fucking idea how their friend got hurt!

Funny that a _friend_ like you would say such words, yet was found with Kurapika half fucking dead in their arms Leorio!”

“Killua!”

“You have no right to even _be_ by his side!” he yelled with tears in his eyes, “No _fucking_ right YOU HEAR ME LEORIO?!”

“Even if Kurapika didn’t want me to get involved in his revenge, even if he weren’t going to talk to me anymore because he feels as if he will stop going for revenge, I would still be there for him. Even if he believes that I am a burden to his cause, I would be there to support him!

“Even if we weren’t friends anymore!” He yelled with tears in his eyes, “Even if he’s suffering because he’s just seen as a prize-winning tool, I would never let Kurapika get hurt by _anyone God Dammit! -”_

“Killua _enough!”_ Gon said, pulling him back down on the table, letting Killua’s tears mimic his own silent ones tracing his face. “Please.” he whispered to him, holding Killua’s forearm tightly, feeling Killua shake under his grip. “I know you’re just as scared and confused as everyone else, but blaming Leorio isn’t going to solve it.

“Listen to me, we are all scared for Kurapika,” He said, “But fighting against each other isn’t how to fix it. We need to wake Kurapika up and find out ourselves what happened.”

“So just wait a little longer, okay?” He held onto Killua’s arm, anticipating his reaction to his words. His heavy breathing did not slow, but it grew shallower. A few moments had passed, but he could see the stress lines that led to his arms had reduced in pressure.

His heart finally eased when he felt Killua relax under his arm, but Killua shrugged off his hold on him.

“I’ll be with Kurapika if you need me.” He said in finality, pushing the chair out and walking out of the room, letting his bangs fall loosely in front of his eyes.

Gon’s eyes lingered on his friend who disappeared around the corner, before snapping his attention to Leorio slumping in his chair and hold his hands in front of his eyes.

“I’m sorry Leorio, I don’t know what’s gotten into Killua-”

“Gon,” he interrupted his apology, rubbing his face with his hands, “Do you believe me?”

The islander turned himself to look at the doctor, “Huh?”

“I,” Leorio let out a deep sigh, before saying again, “I really, _really_ don’t know what happened, Gon.”

Gon walked over to him and sat next to him on the other chair, “Do you remember anything?”

He nodded somberly, rubbing his eyes with his forefinger, a habit he can’t get rid of. “I remember, I remember walking out from my house. I was going to go and get some food from the gas station up ahead, and then I-I,” his hands were shaking now, his breathing turning uneven.

“Hey, Hey Leorio,” Gon rubbed circles on the man’s back, feeling the soft pokes of his rib from his eating disorder, “It’s okay now, you don’t have to continue-”

“Gon, I _saw_ Kurapika on the front of my doorstep,” he choked out, “he wasn’t breathing, a-and there was so much blood and I-”

“Leorio listen,” the teen spoke out, “It wasn’t your fault-”

“No Gon you got to understand!”

The man clutched the teens shoulders and gazed in him. He looked as if his whole body was warring with itself, “Listen to me Gon, I _can’t remember_. I can’t remember who or what happened to Kurapika. It goes blank after I’ve opened the door, you don’t understand!”

“W-what?”

“He doesn’t, know me at all. He-” he let out a shuddering breath, “He doesn’t know me anymore Gon. He said that he didn’t want me to touch him, and he thought that I was trying to assault him, but I wasn’t going to because I was his friend, but he didn’t believe me, and he shove me away and told me-”

“Leorio,” Gon spoke to him, taking his hands digging hard into his blades into his hands, “You’re panicking again.”

He squeezed his hands gently, before speaking to his troubled friend, “I want you to take a breath, keep it in for a few seconds, then let it all out, okay?”

The man looked at him puzzled, before compiling to the islander’s instructions. He took a shaky breath, letting the musty air fill his lungs whole till it felt like it could combust. Then he pushed it all of his worries out from his mouth.

“Okay, now try again,” he urged him, squeezing his hands.

The man nodded, before letting another breath in.

And another, and another, until he could finally think again. Until all of his oppressive thoughts had worn away.

“You okay now?” he asked.

The man nodded, then began to chuckle as if he said a joke.

“Sorry, heh,” he shook his head, chuckling softly, “Sometimes I think that you would be a better doctor then I am.”

The islander squeezed his hands, and the doctor couldn’t help but squeeze back. “That’s what friends are for.” He said with a wry smile.

“I don’t mean to ruin your sappy moment with each other,” The albino interrupted, peeking his head from the side wall with a frown, “But Kurapika’s awake now.”

The islander stuck out his tongue and patting the back of his raven hair. “Sorry Killua, we’ll be there!” the albino only nodded, before returning back to the living room.

They both got up from their seats to attend to the blonde in the next room, but Gon put his hand on Leorio’s shoulder, “You don’t have to go, ya know?” he voice became soft all of a sudden. “It’s going to be hard to see him like this, for all of us actually, to see him like this. We didn’t expect Kurapika of all people to be at the brink of death, not even Killua-”

“Gon,” his mouth quirked to a smile, “trust me.”

The islander’s eyebrows furrowed, but he didn’t stop Leorio from leaving. Gon let his arm drop from his broad shoulder, as he walked towards the living room, where he awaited them.

Leorio took a few moments to let himself be composed. Let a few breaths into his lungs, just as Gon instructed him to. In and out, until he could feel his anxiety wore off. He was scared because he can’t tell if Kurapika was telling him the truth. Did he really lose his memories, and if he did, which ones? Does he not remember Gon or Killua either? How would they reaction when they realised that it was a hopeless situation too-?

He slapped his face hard with his large hands, feeling the sting ripple through his cheeks. He couldn’t afford to lose himself like this, he had to find a cure, no matter what!

With that determination in hand, he walked out of the kitchen to-

A steel knife came close to nicking his nose, _“Don’t move.”_ the voice commanded.

He didn’t have the most perfect vision, but he could see Gon’s blurred vision pressed hard against Kurapika’s chest, and he was being held in a choke hold. And he could see a blurred out Killua at the back of the room, guessing to be just as shock as the doctor.

But one thing that was seen clearly, was the red eyes of the kurta clan, and the fury that was hidden in a sea of crimson.

_“Now,”_ he said with authority in his tone, stepping away with Gon close in front, “unless you want your _friend_ cut _inside out_ like a cake,” He tightened the hold on the islander’s neck for emphasis, rendering a squeak out of the poor boy, “you better tell me who the hell are you and what the hell do you want from me. Say any more than that, and I’ll stab him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't wanna see my favourite ppl fight, I love Leorio and Killua so much 😭💙!! 
> 
> Can't wait to write more about them all!!! 
> 
> +Comment what you want, don't be shy! I love to hear from you all! Also criticism is welcomed here! This fic isn't just supposed to be dedicated to someone, everyone should enjoy it!
> 
> But anyways, Thanks for checking out this fic, and pls leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed this!  
> And until next time  
> Take care! ❤❤ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

**Author's Note:**

> I really want a hug rn, I've been feeling like crap during these times. But hey, Life has its' ups and downs, but I'd say life is just going under and keeps going on from there! You just hafta make it better for yourself! ✊😁
> 
> This fic was in my mind ever since I started writing my first, and I hope that I do this fic justice, cuz I have so many ideas and so many chapters that I wrote for it.
> 
> But I'll keep on going with this fic until my writer's block gets fixed!  
> But anyways, Thanks for checking out this fic, and pls leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed this!  
> And until next time  
> Take care! ❤❤ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)  
> (if you guys remembered how I signed out, then pls do shake my hand good sir/maam🤝!)


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